I’ve written my story a hundred times before and deleted every word in a bout of shamefulness, you see I’ve been scared to share my story, is it different from anyone elses? Are my problems really problems at all? Am I seemingly jumping on some aparant bandwagon some people are assuming mental health is the in thing now. Will I receive love or hate or worse nothing at all. Will my worries in the end just stay inside my head tormenting me? Mental health is a funny old thing really you have these conversations daily with yourself and you end up convincing yourself that no-one will care, noone will want to listen because they all have their own shit to deal with. 15 years ago when a doctor first told me I had depression I laughed it off…. depression that’s made up isn’t it? But I went along to the councelling just to see what a professional really thought of my life….she was a load of crap and tried to convince me my family were against me and that I wouldn’t succeed if I didn’t cut ties with them, needless to say I stopped the councelling then and there and carried on business as usual. Then 9years ago when I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid I was told that depression and anxiety are ‘sideeffects’ to this illness, I went through some tough periods, I’m an incredibly sensitive person, I am a people person and I really care what people think of me. I care how I’m perceived by other people, I want to be liked, I want people to see me as doing a good job I want to be strong, I’ve faced adversities in my life being a 5″1 spotty geeky girl your going to get picked on, being struck down with a chronic illness….then another chronic illness on top of that takes its toll, I’ve had to build up my strength after being hit by a car at age 14, my family have had struggles we’ve all had to face together, and I like to think that I’m a strong capable person who isn’t defined by what I can and can’t do. Most recently though my mental health has taken another downward spiral and I always beat myself up for this, I forget that I am human and this doesn’t make me any less of a person, I’m facing 30 unsure of what to do with my life and that’s scary, the picture I had in my head isn’t working out at all….I’m talking about infertility here you see, 6 years we will have been trying for a baby and it’s unbelievable how much of a toll this takes not only on you, your partner your family, your relationship but your mental health aswell. Feeling like your body is failing you, feeling like your nothing and noone if you aren’t a mother,feeling like your failing, feeling like your partner would be better off without you, that sense of loss every month….. I’m getting there…a day at a time and that’s ok,progress…no matter how small is progress…it’s ok to go slowly just never stop. There will be down days, there will be days I want to close myself off from the world, and that’s ok too. Al I ask is that people don’t feel afraid or ashamed or embarrassed to talk about mental health, that people feel they have someone to talk to no matter how big or small their problems seem, that people have a support network for the good and the bad days! So I’m here fighting everyday and I will always be here to support anyone who needs it xxx All my love Natalie xxx
So I am already 7 days in to this challenge and I’m feeling happier, not sing from the roof tops roll out of bed ready to go happy but,yes let’s have another cuppa tea kind of happy you know? So I said I’d share with you guys my 100happy days journey so here’s days 1-7 🙂
I got a DM on my blog Instagram telling me about a pin badge company that does free pin badges each month all you have to do is cover the postage costs. The company is an American company and the postage ended up only being £2.19 so I thought meh even if it doesn’t turn up its not alot of money wasted. On day one of my challenge this babe turned up and really brightened up my day!!
Guys…. GUYS!! Ok so I opened my emails and Dr botanicals had emailed asking if I’d be interested in reviewing their ultra repair overnight regenerating treatment, I had to cover the postage but they then sent me an email for £5 off a purchase which is how much postage was! This product is £75!!!! I have been sent this for £5!! This made me so happy because I feel like my blog is starting to take a new direction and I am very excited to work with different brands in the future!!
I needed some new work shoes so I went up to Tesco and obviously had a browse at the other items and I found these babes!! They are so gorgeous so comfy and I’m so excited to style them this Autumn!
Me and my husband are proud geeks/nerds. We order things called lootcrates I get the wizarding world one and he gets a gaming one, he decided this month to try a new crate and he had to put what fantasy films he liked so for me he put down harry potter and lotr as they send items tailored to those films so when the box arrived he let me have a harry potter t-shirt and I also got… DOBBY!!! I collect pop vinyls and Dobby was definitely on my wishlist so I was VERY happy x
I spent 4&1/2 hours laughing on Saturday night. Completely random completely unplanned me and my family played cards against humanity and honestly I haven’t laughed that much and that long for the longest time!
After my late night playing cards against humanity I decided to have a me day on the sofa I wore my PJs had my comfy blanket and caught up on so much TV!! Strictly, Doctor Foster and strike.
Today I have pre ordered The Book of Dust by Philip Pullman. His dark materials tribology remains to this day one of my favourite trilogies! I have re read it several times! So when I heard he was bringing out an equal trilogy (not a sequel or prequel as it’s set in the same time period)I knew I had to own it!!!!
So there we go 7 down…93 to go 🙂 xx
I had a bad day, I mean a BAD day. I have been in a rut lately a nasty painful rut and I need the dark cloud to lift itself off of my shoulders. My dark cloud is called Frederick, I found giving him a name helps to deal with it better that’s my way of dealing with dark days it might not work for everyone but it works for me, something I’ve also done before that really helped was the 100happy days challenge (this is not sponsored btw) the 100happy days challenge essentially ‘challenges’ you to post on Facebook or Instagram or any social media platform you feel with the hashtag #100happydays or you create your own hashtag and basically for 100 days you share a snapshot of something that made you happy that day. This challenge taught me to refocus my thinking and appreciate the little things in life, it helped me to stop stressing so much especially over the little stuff and to truly take a moment each day to be thankful and remind myself that no day is completely bad. So I will share with you guys my 100happydays journey 🙂 I won’t post everyday I’ll do like a weekly roundup but if you want to see my posts everyday head to my personal Instagram account @_natalie_church_
What things make you happy? How do you get past the dark days? Any funny memes or positive quotes would be greatly appreciated too guys!!! Xx
People, it’s the last day of august and that for me always signals the end of summer *sigh* no I couldn’t tell you why I think it’s because from September I go into my hibernation autumn/winter mode!!
Anyways I digress, I thought that I’d show you my most worn outfits of the summer I was actually really confident with my body this summer I got my legs out loads and purchased….4 pairs of shorts!!! I never wear shorts!!! But this summer that’s pretty much all I’ve worn!!
I’ve also done things a bit differently I decided to pick the ‘outtake’ photos the ones where my hairs not quite falling right or I’m pulling a weird pose or the clothes are bunched in weird places because Ive been reflecting on social media and the image people put across and honestly it’s helped my headspace alot to rember that people only put the snapshots they want you to see,life is so heavily edited these days you need to take a step back,breathe and re-evaluate what’s important to you and look after your mental health aswell as your physical health something I had been neglecting for a while, so yes here are my unedited unscripted pictures 🙂
These trousers! I love these and can’t wait to style them for autumn and winter too 🙂 I paired hem with a simple t-shirt either black white or grey to compliment the colours in the trousers then wore my converse or white canvas trainers and added my denim jacket on colder days 🙂
First pair of short these black ones from Tesco are so comfy!! I will again be wearing these in autumn and winter with tights 🙂 I’ve paired them alot with this cute yellow white&grey highneck top that I brought in a chairty shop, because of the colours in the top I’ve been able to wear my white trainers, white sandals and gold sandals to switch up the look.
Feeling like I’m in top gun!! These shorts were a real charity shop bargain they fit beautifully and they go with so many colours!! My favourite to wear has been this dark green shirt I brought a few years ago in a charity shop. To dress the look up I added my nude wedge sandals from primark but dressed the look down with trainers or flip flops.
These green shirts are from boohoo and they are the shortest shorts I own they are so cute the paperback waist detail is just super nice and flatters your figure, I’ve paired them alot with this white shirt I brought in a charity shop I then added a splash of colour to this outfit with my leopard print wedge sandals
This dress is just a really fun dress to throw on when you want to look like you made an effort! It’s so comfy it flows really nice so it’s good for bloated days and the print does all the talking!! Again I’ve been pairing it with my trusty denim jacket for colder days and added my faithful ASOS sandles to complete this look.
Two letters, one little word. Yet do I use it as often as I should….. ironically no, no I don’t. People tell you to say yes more, and whilst I agree that yes can lead to some amazing adventures and opportunities you also need to learn to say no more. I feel we see it as a selfish word a word that couldn’t possibly lead to adventure and opportunities but honestly it’s the word we need to learn above all else. It requires no explanation stop apologising for saying no! These past few weeks I’ve said nothing but yes, I’ve worked longer hours, I’ve gone above and beyond my role,I’ve used my free time to help out others, I’ve used the remaining free time socialsing and although I’ve loved it I am now currently on my 3rd day of being ill because I’m so run down all because I haven’t said no. You need time to relax and recharge, you need time to yourself, you need those lazy weekends you need to learn to say no! So people enjoy life, love live laugh dance create opportunities explore travel try new things……..but say no once in a while too xx
So before we know it June will be upon us…the 6th month half way through the year!! So looking at how I’ve spent the first half of the year I am relatively happy lots happened I’ll admit!! There are a few changes I want to make and document for you guys and for myself so here are my June goals!
🌟Walk 10k steps a day-easy enough u have a fitbit that tracks my steps and you should walk atleast 10thousand steps a day….I however rarely reach this but everyday in june I want to walk 10thousand steps!!!
🌟Social media ban-other than Instagram once a week and wordpress I am logging off of social media because it’s still ruling my life.
🌟No biscuits-theres one day exception and that is June 2nd very specific I know but I will be going to York…and the hotel always has biscuits on the tea tray and there’s no way I can stay inahotel room and NOT eat the biscuits other than that no biscuits they are my weakness and I need to loose weight and tone up!
🌟No mirrors. Again when I go to York the hotel room mirrors are slightly harder to avoid however at home I am going to try and not look in the mirror for a whole month. I’ve always battled with my self confidence I am so over critical and analyse my hair my skin my spots my wobbly bits so I’m hoping that by avoiding mirrors it gives me a different mindset about what I actually see in the mirror and gives me a healthier relationship with myself xx
Sixteen years old, shy, unconfident but happy. Alternative is the style pigeon hole my peers have labelled me or as you may know it…”goth” skinny black or grey jeans black h&m hoody and my black Dr Martens boots. They were my first love but that’s for another day. I needed some more convinient shoes (anyone whose worn Dr martens knows the struggle!) So one day shopping for new shoes I saw them, there they were in an array of colours and styles low top high top knee high…..they were perfect. I went inside the shop and parted with my money walking out of the shop with the thin black box that housed my new love….converse!!
My old pair did well, they walked on Cornish sands,ran through fields,took many seaside trips,danced through performing arts exams,walked the school corridors, they were worn with jeans,dungarees, skirts,dresses,tights,frilly socks,bare sandy feet. They were my trusty gorgeous babes and they served me well for 10 long years…..sadly they have passed on to shoe heaven 😥 but don’t be discouraged friends no no, converse.com came to the rescue!! This is not a sponsored post…boy I wish it was! This is my genuine opinion and I’ve parted with my own cash!! I decided to treat myself to a new pair (I’ve got a pay rise and decided to treat myself) I wanted another trusty pair of original black converse, well if you signed up to their email you got sent a 25%off code!! So yay! I got a new pair sent and delivered for £33!! Here they are the loves of my life…..now and forever a converse girl (I do love me some vans though!!)
Today is my 29th birthday. I have exactly one year until I turn 30! So what have I learnt, experienced,achieved in my20’s?? Let’s find out shall we?
So my 20’s sure were an experience! I was I’ll admit a bit of a twat from 20-25 me and Darren argued alot split up got back together split up got back together. I lied alot, I wasn’t honest to myself or my friends, I broke my own heart, I broke other people’s hearts, I said alot of stuff that I regret,I have lost alot of people some through their own doing and some I’m ashamed to say from mine,I was niave I was young I was foolish,I thought I could have the whole world without consequences but I was wrong!!! I truly will never be able to escape some of the mistakes I made but I hope that I’ve been forgiven for them atleast.
Then at 25 me&darren had a huge talk got it all out in the open and decided that this was it make or break no more messing about and wasting time,he proposed to me and we started house hunting and moved into our own house 🙂 At 26 I got married it was the best day of my life 🙂 At 28 we had to face a difficult conversation….We’d been trying for a baby for a few years with no success so we went through our first infertility tests….They came back fine and we were told to go back in 6 months but that it would probably not be necessary….It’s been 12 and again nothings happened. I’ve had to deal with my illness taking a HUGE downward turn I mean it’s really kicked my ass these past few years,darren has also openly admitted through his social media that he’s suffered with anxiety for the past year which takes its toll on him,me and our relationship it’s been tough I won’t lie we’ve had some very very dark days between us, but we are a team and I love him unconditionally. We adopted a cat,brought a new car,brought a new bed,decorated our house lots of little commitment pieces that really cement your relationship(even though we did those things as a married couple)
I learnt to be reasonably comfortable and confident with myself I still have days where I look and feel like shit but hey everyone does right? I’ve learnt to care less about what people think. My past self was a knob, she cared about people’s opinions and followed some truly horrific advice she let herself be swayed and manipulated she took others very poor advice and acted upon other people’s beliefs and opinions instead of her own but no more! I stand my ground speak up and don’t let people’s opinions of me affect my daily life!
I started up my blog which has given me a massive confidence boost!! Ive learnt to slow down and take my illness seriously,I can’t do everything that I wish I could,I know that now and I know that the people who really matter stick around when I flake on plans or cancel last minute because they understand me they understand it’s something that’s part of me that can’t be helped! I’ve learnt to live more in the moment switch off and be present, I’ve started to look after myself more, become more independent and strong!!
So I’ve achieved alot, I’ve learnt alot of lessons!! I’ve had ups and downs and now I’m entering my last year of these glorious 20s!! I keep changing my mind about how I feel about turning 30 but looking back and seeing how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve achieved and learnt I am for now excited to enter into my 30’s!!!
Fom top left ages 20-28 🙂
And me today at 29!!
Today’s post is part rant and part informative (I hope)
A little backstory…..For context…
When I was 19 I started to feel unwell, I was constantly sick, felt tired all the time and picked up every bug going round, it took the doctors 8months to finally find out what was wrong with me, I had an underactive thyroid, thankfully it’s treatable with a daily tablet but it will never get better, it’s a life long illness. For a while the tablets seemed to lessen my symptoms, then I got glandular fever, which caused my immune system to shut down I was bed bound for nearly 3 months. I now have underactive thyroid, fatigue and autoimmune deficiency, I am in pain daily, I’m tired I get ill at the drop of a hat I have to be careful what I eat as thyroid can lead to a form of IBS so certain foods cause me to be sick! I have no anti bodies so even a cold can leave me bed bound as my body doesn’t know how to fight off the infection I’m more susceptible to sinusitis and ear nose and throat infections it’s just bloody hard work somedays I won’t lie!
Back story complete here’s the rant part…
Today I feel rough. A worse day shall we call it I don’t remember feeling ‘well’ but I don’t complain (often) I’m running on 4 1/2 hours sleep there’s so many bugs going round at work that I’m frightened I’ll catch I’ve got a huge headache and just feel poop….I was meant to go out today but cancelled I was also meant to go out last night but had to cancel now thankfully my friends and family are understanding of my situation and know that I am regrettably flaky!! However today I told my husband I wasn’t going out and he responds with ‘but you have to’ yes even my husband whose been with me for 10years can sometimes forget what it’s like!! So I’m here to say that regardless of whether you have an illness you don’t HAVE to do anything. I said this to him with a scowl on my face because I was annoyed! I didn’t have to go out it would’ve been nice to go out but I didn’t have to what I wanted to do was rest because this week is going to be one hectic week and I already know that by Sunday my body will be ready to give up!! I’m not articulating my thoughts well at all I’m too tired I just wanted to get the message across that all you ever have to do….Is what you darn well want to, and today I wanted to lounge around in my PJs and have a ‘sick’ day! That’s ok, you should never apologise or feel obligated to be anything other than yourself! It’s not selfish or rude or unsociable to focus on yourself once in a while so just remember that my loves
Rant over! Xx